Debate!

Am I wrong or insane for finding this debate so fucking hilarious? Yeah, Bush has made one or two good points—I'm happy to admit that, because he's put me in such a good mood. All the whining, the goofy facial expressions while Kerry is speaking, the punchy emphasis on certain words (VICTORY!), the almost bluesy tone he adopts when talking about what it's like to lead the war in Iraq ("and it's SO HARD [babysittin' these guys]"), the talking points he keeps returning to ("he's a flip-flopper!"), hoping that nobody notices they're nonsequiturs... it's belly laugh-inducing, I tell you.

To help you sound less like a Daily Show segment in the next debate, Mr. Bush, I offer the following observations:

  • You sound stupid when you keep asserting that you meet with world leaders and heads of intelligence agencies all the time, mainly because you say it with such pride—like they're magnetically attracted to your power and personal charm or something.
  • When you get flustered, you tend to spew random, unconnected words: Poland! terror! injustice! coalition!
  • By continually repeating that one can't lead the country if he sends mixed messages, you're actually weakening your argument that you're steadfast and consistent. What you are is repetitive, and possibly intransigent in the face of shifting priorities, intelligence, and political realities around the world.
  • I wouldn't be so quick to ask for 30 extra seconds to respond to Kerry's points if I were you. It's obvious that you're shooting from the hip, and you're doing yourself more harm than good. To use a hockey analogy, it's like spotting an open passing lane that will let you clear the puck from your own zone—one that's right through the slot. How are you not seeing the danger of passing in front of your own net? Are you really so focused on clearing the puck that you'd risk getting scored on?
  • Saying, "listen, I'm not stupid," isn't very smart. Al tells me you didn't actually say, "listen, I'm not stupid." Apparently that was just my impression of what you said (which kinda proves my point). What you actually said was, "First of all, of course I know Osama bin Laden attacked us. I know that." It sounds just as dumb, as if you'd said, "I'm not delusional, you know." That's the kind of thing that makes you sound *more* delusional, not less. As you've probably heard time and again from advisors and critics, saying doesn't make it so. At this point, you've got to prove it.
Posted by Lori in politics at 10:53 PM on September 30, 2004