We Hold These Truths to Be Self-Evident
- Breastfeeding is both painful and wonderful.
- As soon as the baby latches on, you will have to pee.
- It's easier to change a diaper than to change the sheets.
- As soon as the guy from Sears leaves, the washer will start to smell like it's burning up.
- When you finally get a chance to sleep—and you MUST SLEEP—you won't be able to.
- Even if you go to bed at 6pm, you won't actually put your head on the pillow until after 11.
- Big boobs are a total nuisance.
- If you had a relatively normal figure before pregnancy, you will have Jane Mansfield's figure while breastfeeding. Alas, you will not have her wardrobe, and all your clothes will look ridiculous on you.
- Corollary: If you had Jane Mansfield's figure before pregnancy, you will have the figure of a porn star while breastfeeding. Your clothes will look ridiculous on you whether you have the porn star's wardrobe or not.
Posted by Lori in parenthood at 10:07 AM on December 20, 2004