avocado8

Reel Moms and Real Work

The Loews Theater inside the Metreon, which is a block away from our hotel, is a Reel Moms venue, and since today is Tuesday, I decided to go to the movies. The film was actually one I was curious to see—Fever Pitch—since I saw the original British version recently, and I like Nick Hornby's novels. The original was really only a 2-star movie, but I figured that left room for improvement, and making it about the Boston Red Sox seemed like a smart move.

Oh, how I wish there were anything else smart about this movie. I'm not sure I can adequately describe how awful it was, but here are just a few of my complaints:

1. Is it really that hard to find someone with a Boston accent for a movie about the Red Sox? They explained Jimmy Fallon's lack of accent by making him a New Jersey transplant, but they failed to explain why everyone else sounded like they were from California or New York.
2. All the lines (yes, ALL of them—at least, all the ones in the first half, which is all I stayed for) sounded like they were one-off statements rather than components of dialogue. The characters weren't talking to each other; they were just talking. Stiffly.
3. There were several moments of what was supposed to be high hilarity, but since these were as ill-integrated as the "dialogue", they just made me wonder whether the people behind this dreck thought they were making a romantic comedy or a Leslie Neilsen vehicle. Also, note to writers: People getting hit in the head, dropped from a great height, and punched in the face? Not funny.
4. The product placements (HELLO, MARQUIS JET!) were even more ham-handed and incongruous than either the dialogue or the moments of "comedy", which is saying a lot. What exactly does Marquis Jet's promising business outlook have to do with loving math and numbers in general? The company's mission statement is articulated more clearly than how Drew Barrymore's character is putting her math degree to practical use (the demonstration of which is supposedly the point of that scene).
5. I've seen Drew Barrymore perform admirably in a well-written film, but I've never thought she was that great an actress—and she certainly can't make a bad movie bearable. Quite the opposite, in fact.
6. Can there really be someone in Boston who doesn't know who Carl Yastrzemski is? Especially someone over the age of 25?
7. Drew Barrymore's friends in this movie are positively TOXIC. It's hard to believe anyone could think that women are this mean, spiteful, stupid, and obsessed with "tagging and bagging" men... except perhaps this guy or this guy. I'm seriously starting to worry that it's becoming socially acceptable to trash women (again).

I could go on, but as I noted in #2, Austen and I gave up and left about halfway through. He was hating the movie as much as I was. The only interesting part was comparing this venue to our home theater in Cherry Hill. Apparently the Metreon doesn't enforce the "under 1 year" guideline, as there were several children in the 1-3 range running around the theater. When I asked one of the other moms where the changing table was, she seemed surprised; her friend said, "we should ask them to put one in!" I thought they were standard at Reel Moms gigs, but I guess not. One thing that was the same, much to my dismay: They forgot (or never had any intention) to turn down the sound. Note to Loews: Lower the fucking volume, already! The mooing of the cows in the THX intro nearly blew out my eardrums, and Austen positively writhed in agony.

We emerged from the theater to find like eight Bugaboo Frog strollers parked outside, and when we hit the streets, we passed two more. Al and I have been looking for signs that the Bay Area economy is picking up; there've been several, but this glut of $700+ strollers may be the best sign yet.

After a couple stops to pick up presents for friends here, I went into the office to meet with my manager (the person whose budget my checks come out of? the person who tells me what to work on? as an independent contractor whose full-time job is raising a kid, I don't really think in terms of managers anymore...). He wants to extend my contract through August, and I'm interested in doing the work he described, so Al and I have agreed that we will try to find a nanny who can come to our house a couple days a week (I agreed to 15 hours, which translates to about two full workdays). This is a big step for me, hiring a nanny; luckily we discussed the possibility a couple weeks ago (I vetoed it vehemently then), so I've had a chance to roll the idea around in my brain for a while. I'll probably have more to say on this topic when I'm less tired and have had a chance to comb craigslist looking for prospects. For now, I leave you with the cute baby photo of the day, and the news that Austen rolled from his tummy to his back for the first time (and then several more times, once he realized he could do it) this morning.