Slow on the Uptake

Does the fact that I'm an idiot make it more likely or less likely that I'll be picked for a jury today? I ask because I'm leaving for the courthouse in 10 minutes, and I need to know whether to arrange for backup childcare.

The evidence that I'm an idiot? Remember how I said (I did say this, right?) that getting down and playing on the floor with Austen instead of trying to get things done around him had made things much better around here? Luckily, I figured that out shortly after his first birthday party. What took me until yesterday to realize was why Austen was making the "pick me up" gesture and then struggling to get back down as soon as I picked him up. Turns out that he wasn't saying "pick me up"; he was saying, "come down here!" So I was right about getting down on the floor making all the difference, but I was still missing the signal for I NEED YOU TO GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW.

Judge, I'm too slow to serve on a jury. It will take me forever to understand the evidence, and even then I'll misinterpret it. If you're really lucky, I'll realize my mistake three weeks later, after the defendant has been released and has killed again. Please send me home where I can torture just my child and not eleven other jurors. Thank you.

Posted by Lori in civics and parenthood at 7:29 AM on December 15, 2005


Don't do anything to earn yourself a contempt citation.

Myself, I've NEVER been called for jury duty. (Knocks on wood.) But when I am, I'll be able to honestly answer that I am closely related to THREE lawyers (uncle, cousin, cousin-in-law), my sister used to work in the insurance industry, and I know the law fairly well without having it explained to me. I'm pretty much guaranteed NEVER to serve on a jury.

Posted by: Clay at December 15, 2005 1:49 PM

I was juror #18 of 20 possible candidates for a civil case, and only #1-16 ended up going through voir dire. I got to talk to the judge briefly about a conversation I overheard between the defendants (they were even bigger idiots than I—they sat right next to us potential jurors and griped about how they didn't want to be there and then talked about the case itself), but other than that I never had the opportunity (or the need) to plead lack of childcare.

I think I could have swung it, with Al's help, if I had been picked; the case was only slated to take a day and a half, with deliberations likely to end on Monday evening or Tuesday morning. Ah well, I'm done for now.

Posted by: Lori [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 15, 2005 4:51 PM

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