As If My Ass Weren't Big Enough Already

I fell down the stairs AGAIN this morning. I was tiptoeing out of our bedroom so as not to wake Austen (who'd come down at six and then fallen asleep again), with my sneakers and socks in one hand and some cash and my Starbucks card in the other. I'd noticed on several occasions recently that when my feet are dry, the wood floors—and especially the wood stairs—become very slippery, so I should have been more careful here. Of course I wasn't; with my hands full I couldn't hold on to the railing.

The good news is that I'm tall enough that I once I've started to fall, I don't hit more than three or four steps before coming to a halt. If I were shorter, I might slide all the way to the bottom, but as it is, I usually end up sideways, jammed between the wall and the railing. The bad news is that I'm high enough off the ground to start with that when I land, I hit hard.

This morning I hit the first step high on my left butt and about halfway up my left forearm, breaking the skin on the latter and causing a huge, blood-filled knob to appear on the former. I'm proud of myself that I didn't yell—I only gasped—because it meant that I was putting my child's need to sleep before my own need to whine and cry like a baby. Yay, maternal instincts! I only managed to hold back the tears until I got down to the living room, however; the pain was extreme, and I could feel that stupid knob forming under my hand:

the knob

Yeah, just what my already-large ass needed: A large, painful, and asymmetrical lump!

Posted by Lori in me, me, me at 9:44 AM on May 24, 2006

Comments (4)

Ow ow ow!

And ow!

And you so do not have a large ass!

Josie [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Yikes! Is that for real?? I've never heard of that happening to anyone after falling down. I thought, at first before reading the entire thing, that you had an ice pack on your butt! Ooo, please take care on those hardwood floors. I love 'em, but they do get slick, don't they?!

Lori [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Josie: Sadly, yes, and I'd never heard of/experienced anything like this before either. The only other knob/bruise combo I ever got was from taking a slapshot to the shin. Maybe I really did fall *that* hard? The swelling's a little scary, actually; I'm hoping it goes down overnight. If it doesn't, I'll be wearing yoga pants for a few days!

Shani: Thank you for the kind comment about my ass.

Comments

Ow ow ow!

And ow!

Posted by: ratphooey [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 24, 2006 8:37 PM

And you so do not have a large ass!

Posted by: ratphooey [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 24, 2006 8:37 PM

Yikes! Is that for real?? I've never heard of that happening to anyone after falling down. I thought, at first before reading the entire thing, that you had an ice pack on your butt! Ooo, please take care on those hardwood floors. I love 'em, but they do get slick, don't they?!

Posted by: Josie [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 24, 2006 8:39 PM

Josie: Sadly, yes, and I'd never heard of/experienced anything like this before either. The only other knob/bruise combo I ever got was from taking a slapshot to the shin. Maybe I really did fall *that* hard? The swelling's a little scary, actually; I'm hoping it goes down overnight. If it doesn't, I'll be wearing yoga pants for a few days!

Shani: Thank you for the kind comment about my ass.

Posted by: Lori [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 24, 2006 10:55 PM

Comments are now closed.