avocado8

Missing Mommy

I've got so many half-written posts queued up that by the time I publish them all, they won't even appear on the front page anymore. I didn't want serious writer's block on all things BlogHer to impede my posting on the heat (which is now up to 93°, with a heat index of 103° at 11:55am) and on Austen's latest clinginess, however, so I'm jumping in here with a kid update.

When I went away to Vancouver in May, it really seemed like Austen hadn't missed me much. He was happy to see me when I got back, of course, but in a subdued way. I figured this weekend away would be much the same, but as with all things parenting-related, it's when you think you've got things dialed in that they take a radical turn.

Austen was happy enough to be with his dad while I was gone, but Hannah reported that he was crankier and whinier during the day on Thursday and Friday. And remember how he woke up screaming at 3am the morning I was to leave for San Francisco? Well, he did that every night I was gone, too. I told Al when I got back that I'd like to nip the nighttime screaming to be picked up in the bud, so that Austen didn't get used to coming to sleep with us before 6am, but last night the screaming started at 2am again. We let him go for 45 minutes, after which he switched to shouting "mom! momma! moooooooooooom!" at the top of his lungs. I finally caved and went up there, but I didn't bring him down. Instead, I picked him up and sat with him in the chair for a while. He immediately burrowed his head in my shoulder and clung to me as if he might fall off of a cliff otherwise.

After much soothing, clinging, forehead kissing, and murmurings of "I love you, it's time for sleeping, Mommy's very tired, please get ahold of yourself, I love you, I'm not leaving you, I'm just going to bed, I love you, please go to sleep, I'll be here in the morning, calm down now, I love you," etc., I left him crying again and went back to bed. I think the soothing session helped, though, because he only carried on for about another 15 minutes (and he slept until 7:40!).

Meanwhile, Austen's been super-clingy during the day as well—and he completely FREAKS OUT if I try to leave the room, let alone the house. Yesterday he saw me head to the door with my purse and sunglasses (I had a dentist appointment in the morning), and he ran at me yelling "noooooooooo," tripped, fell, and lay there sobbing. It was the most pitiful thing I'd ever seen. He really seems worried that if he loses sight of me, I may never come back. I fear that we are entering that phase of Austen's life where his pain breaks my heart a little every day, and yet all the whining still drives me completely up a wall.

For the record, the need to cling isn't all on Austen's side; yesterday I had an almost overwhelming urge to go downstairs and just hug him for all he was worth for a little while. I may do that between meetings (me) and nap (him) today. Who knows? Maybe a little extra clinging during the day will help us both sleep through the night.