The "Oh, Who Cares?" Dilemma
I, like many others, tend to complain when I'm sick but forget to celebrate when I'm healthy. You notice the headache, but not when the headache goes away, as it were. The same is true for my bouts of depression; when I'm low, I know it, and it weighs on me, often dragging me down further. When I'm not, I don't really notice, and I certainly forget to mention it. You can probably guess just from the tenor of my posts (or the lack of posts entirely) how I'm feeling at any given moment.
This is just to say that I've generally been OK for a while now. I pulled myself out of the rut I was in a few months ago... though occasionally I have days when it seems like I've fallen back in, days when I think, "oh, what's the point?" or "oh, who cares?" These thoughts are dangerous, and I'd like to fight them off, but they tend to multiply.
I'm having a day like that today. I wish I could shake it off, go back to bed, read a book, take a nap, do WHATEVER to bring the motivation back, but the paradox is that I feel guilty for feeling this way, and so I stay at my desk, not wanting to work but feeling that I SHOULD, which of course just ramps up the guilt and the feelings of "oh, what's the point?"
Yeah, OK, so that wasn't very coherent. There's a more coherent post coming up, but it's taking a while to write. Stay tuned.