BarCamp Philly
I got up early to come to BarCamp Philly this morning, knowing there was a 99% chance I wouldn't present anything. So far, I'm on track with that prediction. There are several topics I *could* speak about—CSS, JavaScript, development process, learning to play ice hockey, how to color your own hair—but none I'm *prepared* to speak about, at least formally.
Informally, sure. I keep thinking about my friend Kin, who assured me that he was incapable of speaking in front of a crowd and then fielded questions with ease from the front row of my presentation at MAX last year. He was fine as long as he wasn't on a stage with a microphone and a podium and slides because he was just talking with other geeks. That's how I feel today; I'll be fine as long as I'm just talking and not presenting.
Maybe next year I'll get up the gumption to present on something. Maybe I'll even prepare some slides ahead of time. That's how it usually happens: I see a bunch of presentations, think "I can do that [or better than that]," and confidence blooms. (It usually goes out the window in the 48 hours leading up to the presentation, but at least by then I have a speaking slot, some slides, and an idea of what I'm going to say.)
It's hard to say whether I'm more reserved than usual; I have this sense that I used to be like this all the time, and then I felt more comfortable with myself and my knowledge, and now I'm back to feeling shy and insecure...though maybe shy and insecure has always been the norm. No, I take that back. Arrogant and insecure has always been the norm, according to my mom.