Wednesday (Not Saturday)
Again I'm going to start this entry with mention of my fame (!), as I neglected to mention the conversation that followed the "I read your blog!" sighting last Sunday. Al suggested that it might be he and the Beaner that made me recognizable, and I think for the most part he's right. I have certainly been recognized on my own before, especially when my hair is pink or purple, but I think it's when people see all three of us together that they have that, "hey, I know you!" moment.
Now on to work, or lack thereof, or something like that. I actually have plenty to do, both online and off, at Indy Hall and at home, but on Monday I was very nearly paralyzed by guilt into doing nothing. Ironically, the guilt had to do with doing nothing: I felt guilty that I had the freedom to do pretty much what I wanted, when I wanted, when Al had to work. It didn't seem fair. And so I started feeling kind of sad.
Luckily Al sent me an e-mail that cheered me enough to get out of the house, because the weather was a BEAUTIFUL on Monday: about 70 degrees and Northern California dry. I took a couple (well, four, counting my iPhone) cameras with me and headed back out to University City on the #13 trolley.
I spent the next few hours walking around the Penn Alexander catchment area, taking photos of interesting signs, blooming flowers, and houses; talking to a lovely woman named Joya who was doing some square-foot gardening in her front yard; and getting a feel for the neighborhood. It was thoroughly lovely. I haven't finished the roll in the Minolta yet (and it's black and white, which won't give you the flavor of the day, which was incredibly colorful, anyway), but here are a few of the snaps I took with the other cameras:
The next day I woke up convinced it was Friday. That's when I realized that Monday's mini-depression was not a fluke: This not-working thing is definitely messing with my head.
This morning I woke up thinking it was Saturday, which I guess is at least consistent with thinking yesterday was Friday. Within a few hours I was also thinking that maybe I should tell the Beaner that I'd lost my job.
I hadn't told him yet because [a] I didn't want to freak him out, but more importantly, [b] I didn't want him to get his hopes up that this would mean I'd be staying home with him. (Did I already say this the other day? I can't remember.) I fully intend to get another job, and I figured if things just went on as they had done while I was looking, there'd be little disruption in his life.
The problem is that I started, almost immediately, wanting to spend more time with the Beaner. Looking for work is indeed a full-time gig, but but it's more like a 35-hour full-time gig, not a 45-hour full-time gig. There's at least an extra hour or two a day that I could be spending with the Beaner, even when my sort-of vacation/sort-of project time is over.
So tonight, I told him. The first thing he said was, "does that mean you're going to work upstairs again now?!", with an excited grin. (He associates me going to Indy Hall with me going to "work," which is probably a good thing.) He was a little confused about where exactly my job went and why; "the company did a bit of restructuring" doesn't mean much to a 4 year-old, so I explained further that they wanted to move in a new direction, and that they didn't need me to do it. I told him that I'd be looking for another job with a company that *does* need my services, and that I was confident I would find one.
He then asked why I was calling it a "job" when he knew it as "work". I said that he does work at school, and mommy and daddy do their work at their jobs. I'm not sure he got that one. I think he did understand that I'd still be going to Indy Hall while I'm looking for a job, but that I'd also be around a little more than usual, and that I was looking forward to spending that little extra time with him. He said he was, too.
I'm sure there will be further consequences/questions, but for now I think that went as well as can be expected. If I can just wake up tomorrow knowing it's Thursday, all will be right with the world.